MY FAVOURITE JOKES

JOKES
* Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.

* I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. =)

* A notice in a factory for girl workers.
"If your skirt is long, protect yourself from machines at work.. If it is short, protect yourself from men at work"

* What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hold on to your nuts. This is no ordinary blow job!

* A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

* A cat tries to get a sausage out of a river, but gets its paws wet, then it see a bigger one but falls in! MORAL OF STORY? The bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy!

* A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!

* A Sex expert was once asked whether a rape is possible while running. No, he replied, woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down.

* A man had "I LOVE YOU" tattooed on his dick. He went home and proudly showed his wife. "There you go again, trying to put words into my mouth", she said.

* A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!"

* One day there was this naked man and elephant, the elephant looks at the naked man for a few seconds, ask the naked man, "HOW CAN YOU BREATH THROUGH THAT LITTLE THING?"

* 1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."

* Sounds women make during sex.
1) Asthmatic - ah.ahh.ah..ah.
2) Obedient - yes.yes..yes.
3) Unsatisfied - more. more...more.
4) Religious - oh god. oh god.

* Do you like mathematics? If so, add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

* In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
"I slept wid ur mom last nite"
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy's response.

He laughs & says, "Lets go home dad, U r drunk"

* Why Mahendra Singh Dhoni has no girlfriend?....


Because, he drinks 2 litre of milk daily.

* Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell! And what's there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell.

* Girl & Boy were having sex.
Girl: Darling, I want you to kiss my lips!
Boy: Sure, which 1 would you prefer first, lower lip or upper lip?
Girl: Middle lips, the ones right in the middle of my legs.

* Lady1: How come your husband is always home on time?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. SEX will be at 9PM, whether you are here or not.

*An journalist to mallika sherawat: What is the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up?
Mallika: I go back to my home!

*Colour of underwear reflects your mood:
Red - Wild,
Black - Sexy,
Blue - Romantic,
Pink - Seductive
White - Calm,
Yellow - time to change your undrewear!

*A dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".

* Wives r incoming calls,
Lovers r outgoing calls,
Aunties r Toll-free calls,
Callgirls r Roaming calls,
Neighbour girls r Missed Calls.

* It’s short thing, gets longer when u hold it, and pass between women breasts, and enters into a hole. What is it?
Car Seat Belt, you dirty mind.

* Make luv to ur galfriend on Valentine day. She'll give u gud news on Mothers` day n u'll hv a child on children`s day. Don't try this on everybody. U'll hv bad news on Dec 1 (AIDS day)

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